i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
