i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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