forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
