I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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