I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
