Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
