I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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