I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
