take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
