i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
