Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
