just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
