I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
