Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
