guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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