oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
