I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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