hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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