i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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