I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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