How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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