well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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