A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
