No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Everyone says I win the strip club
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
