stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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