my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
