He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
