Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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