You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
