11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
