I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
