So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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