Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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