Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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