Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
