Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Randomize
