you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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