I accidentally had phone sex last night
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
