Apparently you make a good broom.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
