Your tits are I can't wait for
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just pee around me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
