So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
