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you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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