New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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