Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
