Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The air taste purple.
Randomize
