im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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