when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
