why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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