I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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