Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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