Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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