btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
