well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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