They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
