At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
