u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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