If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We named our party play list daddy issues
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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