i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
