I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
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I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
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Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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