yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
