Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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