Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
