i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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