That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
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Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
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Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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