i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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