I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
