I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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