he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
