My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
