I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
