he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
