I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Randomize
